Last week I tried to conquer one of my biggest fear. My fear for water. I am afraid of big water bodies, like sea, rivers, lakes and ponds. They are mysterious and have things that humans have not yet explored completley. There is no air or free space. The deeper you go the darker it gets. Everything drowns in it and reach at base and rest there for rest of their life. I have this fear of water which really gets me everytime I think about it.
Last week I was in Bali and we went for water activities, I was really excited to go for scuba diving and we took a package in which we were supposed to take a dive in 5 metre deep in sea. I could not sleep the whole night before the activity, thinking about it. My friend had told me that the most difficult thing in scuba diving is the breathing. I was listening to him and already started to feel difficult to breathe.
So we were on this boat at a pretty distance from sea shore. We were seven on the boat including two guides , me and my friend and one Iranian Couple and their 12 years old Son. We were loaded with our scuba suits, and flappers. There were oxygen cylinders and glasses on the boat. Guide gave us one informative session on how to breathe inside the water, what to do and what not to, and how to give a sign if there is any emergency. We had to go one by one. It was my friend who went first.
They equiped him with oxygen cylinders and he jumped right into the sea holding the hand of one guide. He is a very good swimmer and I have seen him taking good dives in swimming pools when we were in College. And he was struggling there in middle of the sea. As soon as he was taking his head into water , he kept coming outside gasping for air. I was watching him and I had already shit my pants. After some time he took control and went for the dive.
It was me next and I was all set to dive, My heart was in my mouth and I was really afraid. They had put glasses on my eyes which had covered my nose and I had to breathe only through my mouth and using that oxygen cylinder. I was already feeling the suffocation in the glasses. I jumped into water and grabbed the guide and I pleaded him in signs “please do not leave me”.
I took my head inside the water and tried to breathe, I sucked the oxygen from mouth , A little salty drops of water also went inside my mouth, A splash of bubbles floated out of my mouth and went up through my glasses. My heartbeats were rushing , And i forgot all the lessons told to me by the guide. I forgot how to breathe. Even though I was all good, I felt like drowning. It was water everywhere that I could see, I started to crave for air. I saw up and could see the base of my boat. I lost it at this moment. And raised an emergency alarm.
Guide brought me above the water and asked me to relax. I was in utter shock, It was so difficult for me , my fear for water was taking over my mond completly. After a few minutes, I tried it again and I could not survive even 2 minutes under water this time. I gave up and came up on boat, got off the flappers and I chose to remain silent for few minutes. I took big breathes and made myself calm down. I remained silent and tried to concentrate until all the 5 people on boat took the dive.
After all were done , I requested the guide to give me one more chance. He agreed and this time I readied myself, I stopped thinking of what is out there inside the water, inwas only thinking of how to breath. and I jumped again. I took my head inside the water and closed my eyes. I took two long breathes inside water and opened my eyes. I could see my guide flying inside the water in front of me and I was well under the sea. Being calm and concentrated was the key. This time I felt little victorious and felt the importance of every breath. It was an scary experience for me, I will not say that I enjoyed it because I was fighting my own fear until it was done. It was a fight in which I barely came victorious.
I still possess the fear of water. But I know one thing for sure how big your fear may be but you can still master your fear if we are focused enough. I did not performed as I had thought but it was good as a starter. It was an experience of lifetime which I will never forget.