Where would I go without you ?


It does not feel right to see her like that, It blows up my heart when I dare to feel the pain she is going through. My mom, She recently went through a major operation, She is in recovery and on bed rest since two weeks. She was getting stabilized with good pace until last morning when it started to ache in her stomach. We can only predict the cause of this pain might be swelling inside the abdomen due to operation or may be a stone. Though Reports made it clear later on. She was in utter pain last night that we had to admit her in emergency in a hospital, but it didn’t gave her any relief. She was really worried and asking me would I ever be healthy enoughย  to be able to walk again, It really made me upset and I scolded her very roughly and asked her to stop talking rubbish and told her to keep quiet. She couldn’t kept her composure on my harsh behavior and burst into tears.

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She was in so much pain that at last they had to give her injections of pain killer with sleeping doze to stop her restlessness.
It felt really bad, I couldn’t sleep properly, busy in checking her out every other hour. She was sleeping unconsciously without even moving her hands or legs because of the doze of injections. It broke my heart to see her like that. We brought her back to home in morning. She kept sleeping long after coming home. I wanted to wake her up, talk to her and convince her that everything is going to be fine. I wanted to say sorry for the manner I talked to her last night. I wanted to cry. I wanted to see her fresh face with no worries. She woke up and we went for her ultrasound checkup. Report were negative and normal. I told her their is nothing to worry about. But I couldn’t brought myself up to say sorry to her.
Agony of these event is that There are only ten days left when I will be gone from home to join my job. These were the two freakingly busy months I spent at home, but still i dont want to leave. I want to see my mom in a condition better than before, just like she used to be. When she talks my home talks, When she is sick my home is sick. Me and my father are totally dependent on my mom, We all are dependent on each other. Life stops when someone is on bed. All sleepless nights that i spent in hospital doesn’t matter until or unless my mom is perfectly fine. The fact that makes me worry is that she lost her pace of recovery due to that stomach ache. I dont know how would I be able to leave her in this situation. All i can wish for her fast recovery and serve her in a best possible way that I can. I am sorry mom, for loosing out my temper and going away from you in ten days. i know I won’t be at ease away from you but I will be back mom, where would I go without you ? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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Vivek Upadhayay

I am never satisfied with what I have, and never Doubt on what I can conquer. I do not just look only in straight direction, because the world of wisdom is walking beside me and I also discover the sully soul on my other side, I am a camouflage of both. I turn around and try to walk backward to see what I keep within, deep, behind my back and accept the strokes wind puts on my face and make myself ready to get shocked any moment in life, because Things will change their shape and dimension in coming years, Good will become bad and bad will become the best. because it is what I have seen yet. Even me will not remain me, but my instinct will never change neither my love for certain things. So I surge up into the territory of stars, out of this world and try to find who I am today ?

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